Live Like a Warrior

This may come as a shock to those who know me now, but I grew up angry.  And for no particular reason either.  I had (and still do have) loving parents who would do anything for me.  Nothing traumatic ever happened to me.  I just remember being pissed off.  I’ve put holes in doors with anything I could get my hands on.  I’ve thrown a telephone and a wrench at my brother.  Even as an “adult”, I’ve punched through glass, smashed phones, and screamed and yelled to get my point across.  The smallest conflict seemed to be an outright war and this little chick liked to fight!  But on the opposite end of the spectrum, I was also very kind and loyal and would do anything for you.  I loved people and enjoyed serving others.   

I knew the way I responded to certain situations probably wasn’t the best way to go about it, but it’s like something would snap and I HAD to do those things to get my point across.  To let you know that I am not to be messed with or pushed around.  

My sister made a comment to me one day that opened my eyes.  She said “You have a beautiful, God-given personality.  You need to figure out how to direct that energy to combat evil and do good.”  Wait a second!  Isn’t that what I’m doing?  I’m standing up for myself!  I’m standing up to the arrogant pricks who think they can do whatever they want to whoever they want!  Isn’t that combatting evil and doing good?  Uh, no.  Not the way I was going about it.  And in that moment, I realized I was getting in the way of my desire to do good.  

I realized that I was “fighting” the wrong person.  Your war is not with your spouse, it’s with the Devil who wants to destroy your marriage.  Your war is not with your kids, it’s with the evil one who wants to destroy their lives!  “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

I also realized my tactics were all wrong.  I thought power/strength meant brute force!  I was actually giving my power away when my response was loud and brash.  I learned that there is power in not saying anything.  There is power and strength in calm.  Through my practice of yoga, I learned to breath when I felt like spitting fire, to break out with that naturally calming Ujjayi breath and to think about what I want out of the situation before I start reacting and then respond appropriately. The Bible tells us exactly what we need for battle: peace, faith, salvation, the holy spirit, truth and righteousness.  When we allow those characteristics to envelop us, only then are we truly living like a warrior.

Namaste